


"I'm Not Calling You A Liar"

by BerylSpring



Series: The Lungs Series [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Dean, Angst, Awkward Sam, Banter, Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel Mentioned - Freeform, Concerned Sam, Cowardly Dean, Crocotta, Crowley (mentioned) - Freeform, Dean Apologizes, Dean Being an Idiot, Dean being Immature, Dean in Boxer-Briefs, Dean picks on Sammy, Embarrassed Dean, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Heated Argument, Hiding True Feelings, Kissing, Lust, Mark of Cain, Mild Gore, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Miscommunication, Nervous Dean, Nosy Sam, Sam Winchester's Bitchface, Series Spoilers, Sexual Frustration, Sleepover in Bunker, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 08:18:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5327156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerylSpring/pseuds/BerylSpring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being cured of his demon, Dean attempts to make amends with Riley.  But will she accept his apology?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third installment in a series. You may need more background than I provide to follow this story. I highly suggest reading the first two entries before you jump into this one, but that is up to you of course. This entry takes place between episode 10.03 “Soul Survivor” and 10.04 “Paper Moon”. 
> 
> I've been writing like crazy this past week which is why I have uploaded the first three installments of this series in rapid succession. It may be a few more days before the next update as I am finishing up classes this week.

**Lebanon, Kansas**

Studying an old picture of himself as a child, his mother Mary embracing him with a radiant smile on her face, Dean Winchester sat on the edge of his bed feeling ashamed. His mother used to call him her “little angel”. _If only she could see me now_ , he thought to himself as he placed the photo in between the pages of his dad’s journal and into the drawer of his nightstand. He used to have it propped up in full view, but he didn’t want her to see him like this, even if it was just her image. It had only been a few hours since he tried bashing his brother’s head in with the end of a hammer. Cas left him with kind words, saying that Sam would forgive him, but Dean didn’t forgive himself. The demon that had been residing in him for the past six weeks was his own. It had twisted him into an unfeeling, selfish monster, but there was no one to blame but himself. It belonged to him and him alone.

Sam had gone out to get him some food, which Dean was grateful for. Even though he had sated himself in every way possible while on his “Touch of Evil” tour with Crowley, it felt like he hadn’t eaten in months. The meal had been awkward though, Sammy watching him eat with a concerned look on his face like he was some kind of geriatric who might choke on his food. Neither of them said a thing, and afterwards Sam retired to his room and embalmed himself with a few bottles of gin. Dean thought to check in on him, but the poor kid needed a break. Dean had been there many times before. Best to let him sleep it off. They could discuss their screwed up lives in the morning.

Instead, Dean went to go take care of Baby. While he was reveling in his own depravity, he had forgotten how precious she was to him. The sight of her now, dirt caked under her rims, random fast food wrappers strewn all over the dash, and the stench of a half-eaten burger that was slowly rotting under the seat made him feel sick to his stomach. For the next hour he kept busy detailing her back to her former glory, but the scouring did nothing for his tarnished soul. While doing one last sweep of the interior, he found a small bracelet with an anti-possession charm on it. The memory of how it ended up there came flashing forward into his mind.

He had picked it up off the floor of a warehouse in Amherst Junction after facing off with a couple of demons who had used another hunter as bait to lure him to his death. The hunter, Riley Stone, had the unfortunate opportunity to meet up with Dean while he was at his worst. He and Sam had worked a case with her shortly before this mess with the Mark of Cain bringing him back to life as Demon Knight, and although she was a little inexperienced at the job, Dean kind of liked her. She had a pretty face, a bit pale with tiny little freckles at her noise that were barely visible unless you looked real close. Her dark hair accentuated her bright blue eyes, and her smile could break even the devil himself. He had come so close to snuffing out that light and he blanched at the thought of what he did to her.

Dean pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found her name. He hesitated, his thumb hovering over the screen, until he realized it was late and she would probably be sleeping. Turning the phone off and pocketing it, he decided to leave that apology for another day. Besides, he had plenty to atone for here. Best to get his brother to pardon him first before trying to make amends with Riley. If he were her, he wouldn’t want to hear from him again anyway.

With Baby cleaned and polished, Dean left her in the garage and went into the kitchen for a glass of water before heading back to his room to turn in for the night. As he lay in his bed looking up at the ceiling, he inattentively fingered the cord of Riley’s bracelet, wondering how he could fix what he had broken.

In the morning, Sam was sitting at the table in the kitchen eating a bowl of oatmeal, a look of displeasure across his face.

“How’s that hangover?” Dean teased.

Sam just grunted in response.

“That’s what you get for eating that health food crap after a binge,” he walked by him, rooting through the fridge for his own breakfast, his eyes lighting up at the sight of a half-full pizza box. Taking a cold slice out and taking a bite, he turned back to Sam saying, “This is more like it.”

“Dean,” Sam responded, “that pizza’s like a week old!”

“So, it’s still good,” Dean said mid-chew.

Sam had to chuckle a little at that. His brother certainly had a gut like a garbage disposal. There wasn’t much he couldn’t eat. “You’re feeling back to normal, huh?”

Dean swallowed another bite and leaned against the door frame, “I don’t know if things will ever go back to normal, whatever that was in the first place, but I’m okay.”

“You want to talk about it?” Sam asked.

“No.”

“Dean…” Sam started before his brother cut him off.

“Look, Sammy, I did a lot of bad shit when I was…” he trailed off, “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sam knew better than to press him further, at least for now. He imagined his brother would need some time after what he had been through, and Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours since he watched Dean’s eyes go black.

“Well, look, we don’t have anything to do right now. Let’s just take some time off, maybe find a quiet spot to unwind for awhile, you know, before we jump back into things.”

“Yeah, Cas said something to that effect yesterday,” Dean agreed, “that’s probably a good idea.”

Sam nodded in agreement, “Any suggestions?”

“I don’t know, Sammy. I’ll leave that up to you,” he responded, “but there’s something I gotta do first.”

Dean walked back to the privacy of his room and finally pressed send on Riley’s contact. He waited nervously as it rang on the other end and was a bit relieved when her voicemail picked up. The sound of her voice made him smile slightly, until he remembered how he had hurt her. The recording beeped.

“Hey, it’s Dean,” he said with trepidation, “um…I found your bracelet in my car. I must have forgotten to give it back to you…back…back at the hotel. Anyway, give me a call………I’m sorry.”

Dean hung up and looked down at his feet, feeling like a jackass.

“What are you sorry for?” Sam asked, startling Dean out of his thoughts.

His face reddened, more out of embarrassment than anger, “What are you eavesdropping now?”

“I didn’t mean to, I just overheard.”

Dean didn’t believe him and shot him a look.

“Whose bracelet is that,” Sam remarked, as he watched Dean roll it between his fingers.

He wavered before answering. This was going to open up a can of worms, “Its Riley’s. I ran into her in Wisconsin.”

Sam’s countenance changed, eyes wide with panic, “Dean, what did you do?”

“She’s fine,” he snapped, angrier at himself than at Sam, “I might have bruised her a little.”

“Wait, is this something I don’t want to know about?” Sam asked, wondering exactly how his brother bruised her up.

“What?” Dean’s face washed over in confusion. Oh, he got it, “No! Although, it wasn’t for lack of trying.”

Sam’s face scrunched up in mild disgust. That was too much information.

“It was a demon thing. Just…don’t worry about it,” Dean continued, agitated by the topic.

A look of worry returned to Sam’s face, “As in you?”

“As in some Abaddon flunkies used her as bait and she may have gotten a little bit banged up in the process,” Dean spat back, “She’s fine! I’ve got it covered!”

Sam finally backed off. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid this morning. Still, he was worried about what kind of damage his brother had done during his demon days. He hoped Riley wasn’t holding any grudges. They’ve had enough hunters after them over the years.

 

*****

 

Riley felt the vibration in her pocket, but she was a little preoccupied at the moment to answer her phone. She grabbed onto the crocotta, her foot jammed into its stomach, and rolled backwards throwing him over her, slamming him hard onto the ground. Pushing off into a kick up, she regained her footing briefly before being pulled back down, its fingers wrapped around her ankle. She kicked it off and turned to face him, pulling her bowie out of its sheath on her waist. The crocotta stood with a smug look on its face.

Riley lunged at the monster, knocking it backwards off its feet and climbing on top of it. She watched as it opened its mouth, exposing a tangle of sharp teeth, trying to suck the soul right out of her. Quickly, she raised her knife above her head and aimed at its neck.

“Suck on this,” she said before slamming the blade through its throat to the hilt, severing the spine and coming out the back of its neck into the soft ground.


	2. Chapter 2

She stood up, breathing hard and wiping the blood spatter from her cheek. The adrenaline that was coursing through her body now slowed. It felt like she had gone twelve rounds with this thing. Fatigue was setting in to her muscles, and she shook herself to try and stem it. After catching her breath, she pulled her bowie from the creature’s neck and wiped the blood off with a handkerchief that she fished out of her back pocket before returning it to its sheath. Now for the part she hated, disposing of the body.

The patch of woods she was in wasn’t in a well populated area, so the chances of someone wandering by and discovering the thing was almost nil. Still, she needed to bury the body, but she would have to go back to her car and get a shovel.

On the way to the car she pulled her phone from her pants pocket and hit the button for voicemail. The call she missed was from Dean, and when his voice hit her eardrum, she stopped where she stood. He sounded different than he had last time she saw him. He was even apologizing, for what part of the encounter she didn’t know. There were many things he owed her an apology for. Although the swelling subsided, she still had a yellowish, greenish bruise from where he punched her in the mouth. To be fair she was being possessed by a demon at the time, but he knew she was in there! Not to mention the way he treated her at the bar, and the fact that he almost pulled her shoulder out of the socket. It was all very violent and very confusing; since he also took care of her once the demon had smoked out and even made a pass at her.

The whole ordeal filled her with a frustration that she had just taken out the crocotta. In between, she trained, and she trained hard. Dean had taunted her about not being able to handle herself, and after everything that happened, she wanted to be ready for next time. She could admit that she was better at the investigation than the fighting, but still she’d done alright so far.

Riley replayed the message, in case she missed anything in her surprise, and she felt a tug on her heartstrings. She really wanted to know Dean, she had been harboring a crush ever since they first met, but after what had happened, she didn’t know if she could ever trust him. Whatever his damage was, it could turn him into a real bastard and she’s had her fair share of guys like that before. It never ends well, and it’s never that great to begin with either.

Finally, she resolved to worry about all this later. She still had a body to bury.

 

*****

 

“Hey, remember that place dad took us when we were little? That lake in Washington?” Sam asked as Dean walked into the Men of Letters library.

Dean thought for a second and chuckled, “You mean that one where you cried when you found out the fish we ate for dinner was the one you kept calling Mr. Bubbles.”

Sam gave him his best bitchface, “Nevermind.”

“No, no,” Dean continued, “What was it? Silver Lake, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam confirmed, “I remember we had a good time there."

“Mr. Bubbles didn’t,” Dean said feigning a frown.

Sam couldn’t hold back a slight smile, “Wanna relax there for a few days?”

Dean pursed his lips and gave a little nod in agreement, but before he could say anything further his phone rang. Riley’s number popped up on the small screen. He hesitated.

“Aren’t you gonna answer that,” Sam asked, confused.

Dean held the phone out to Sam, “Can you talk to her?”

“What? Who?”

“Riley! I just…I…just talk to her,” Dean clucked.

“No, you talk to her! It’s your issue…” Sam tried to protest, the two arguing in whispers, as Dean had pressed the answer button and held it to Sam’s ear, “H-H-Hello?”

“Dean?” Riley’s voice came through the phone.

Sam looked at his brother and shook his head; he looked like the lion from Wizard of Oz all of a sudden.

“No, um…it’s Sam. Hey, Riley!”

“Oh. Hi Sam. Did I dial the wrong…?”

Sam tried to recover, “Oh no, um, Dean’s uh…”

Dean began the charade of rubbing his arms vigorously.

“Uh…itching?

Dean angrily mouthed, “NO!” and started pantomiming pouring shampoo into his hands and lathering up his hair.

“Oh…um showering! He’s showering.”

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“What’s up?” Sam continued.

“Okay…? I was returning his phone call. I guess he has my anti-possession bracelet. I don’t know if he told you but we…” she thought for a second on how to say it, “had an encounter last week.”

Sam stared at his brother, “He mentioned something.”

“Yeah, well, I could come it get if he wants,” she suggested, “I’ve been going a little stir crazy lately. Not much going on. I could use the drive.”

Dean was pantomiming something at Sam again, jamming his finger into the palm of his hand repeatedly. Sam shook his head and mouthed, “What?”

“Sam? You still there?”

“Yeah. Um, yeah I’m still here. I’ll uh…text you the coordinates to the bunker. Just give us a call when you get here.”

“What?!” Dean mouthed silently with his best look of Oh-No-You-Didn’t!

“Sounds good. I’ll see you both soon.” Riley said before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Sam ended the call and put Dean’s phone on the table next to him.

“What the hell!?” Dean asked with agitation in his voice.

Sam responded, a bit ruffled, “I didn’t know what you were trying to say to me!”

“I was trying to get you to put her on speaker so I could hear!”

“You should’ve just talked to her yourself then! Why are you acting like she’s a debt collector?” Sam asked.

Dean put his hand over his face and exhaled slowly. His brother had no idea how much of an ass he was in Amherst Junction. He was surprised Riley even called him back. The way he had treated her…well, she didn’t deserve that. He wasn’t sure how the hell he was going to show his face when she came out there. He’d better explain what happen to Sammy, so he could at least be a buffer during the exchange.

Sammy listened as Dean told him all the gory details of what happened in Amherst Junction. While he agreed that Riley should be so pissed at him, he also pointed out that Dean wasn’t himself last week, and that if he apologized, he was sure she would forgive him. He wasn’t so keen on the idea of telling her about the mark though. She was a hunter after all, and not everybody was as forgiving with matters such as these. Riley didn’t know much about their history and what they’ve been through, so she might jump to conclusions about how they were handling it and try to do something about it herself. That could potentially be bad.

As the day passed, Dean’s nerves became more frayed. He knew she was coming from somewhere in Ohio, but he wasn’t sure how long of a drive it would be, so he didn’t know when to expect her. He wasn’t even sure why he was so jangled. Yeah, he said and did some things he wished he could take back, but from what Sammy said she hadn’t sounded angry or anything on the phone. She even made the suggestion to drive out there! At least she was willing to see him.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” he announced to Sam, getting up from the couch where they were watching a Kansas City Royals game.

“Dude, this is your third shower today!” Sam laughed, “Man, she’s got you twisted.”

Dean thought about it for a second, realizing he was right, “Shut up, Sam!”

He went and took another one anyway.

It was midnight before Sam’s phone lit up with a text saying she was pulling up to the bunker. Dean had gone to his room to wait after his shower, so Sam walked up to the entrance to let her in. They said their hellos and led her down the stairs to the war room.

"What happened to your arm?" Riley asked Sam.

"Demon," he responded matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I got a few of those too," she replied before looking around.

“Holy hell,” she said, taking in the enormity of the space, “What is this place? You guys live here?”

Sam snickered, “It is a bit much isn’t it? It used to belong to the Men of Letters. We just found out we’re legacies, so we kinda inherited it.”

She wandered over to the old ham radio and ran her fingers over it. There was also an old switchboard that looked like it was out of a scene from a WWII movie. She thought it was all pretty neat. When she turned around Dean was standing in a doorway that led to some kind of corridor. They both stared at each other awkwardly for a moment while Sam watched the two of them, amused. _Oh yeah, they’re gonna patch things up,_ he thought to himself. He knew that look on his brother’s face. Dean was smitten with this girl.

“Riley, can I get you anything?” Sam asked to break the tension.

She averted her eyes from Dean and looked back at Sam, “Maybe some water?”

Sam nodded and shouldered his way past Dean to head towards the kitchen. These two were going to need some time alone.

“Hi Dean.” Riley finally said, before giving him a right hook to the jaw.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean and Riley sat across from each other at one of the tables in the library. Riley had an icepack on her knuckles and Dean was licking at the dried blood at the corner of his mouth and wiggling his jaw. _Man that girl could throw a punch_ , he thought. Sam had come in briefly to give Riley her water, but noticing some aggression left them to figure things out on their own.

“You deserved that you know,” she finally said as she repositioned the ice pack on her hand.

Dean agreed, “Yeah, I know. I’m just sorry you got hurt again.”

Riley smiled out of the corner of her mouth, “You have a jaw like a concrete block!”

He smiled slightly and looked down to avoid eye contact. He didn’t really know what to say to her. Explaining why he was acting the way he did might be a good start, but he didn’t know how to bring it up.

“Dean?”

“Riley?”

They both spoke at the same time.

“Go ahead,” he offered, but she insisted he should say his piece.

He nodded his head and started, “I know I’ve already apologized on your voicemail, but I’m sorry about what happened in Wisconsin. I wasn’t myself.”

“So you wouldn’t normally offer up your warm bed?” she asked, and then blushed at the fact that she said that aloud.

Dean was caught off guard. He wasn’t expecting to go there so quickly. “I meant the arm thing and the face punching, but yeah, I guess I wasn’t exactly being a gentleman either.”

She chuckled a bit, “Yeah, if you hadn’t been such a jerk I might have considered it.”

Dean’s eyes shot upward in surprise. _What the hell are you doing?_ She thought. All of a sudden she was having diarrhea of the mouth. This wasn’t what she was supposed to say. It was supposed to go: punch in the face, make him apologize, grab her bracelet and leave! Now Dean was looking at her like they were going to screw each other right here on the table. _Mmmm…that would be fun._ Wow! She really needed to refocus. Hadn’t she talked herself out of all this on the drive there? Dean Winchester equals no good! He’s bad for business and bad for the heart. Nothing good could come of that!

“Sooo…make-up sex?” Dean questioned, sort of half joking.

Riley got herself under control and glared at him, “Not gonna happen.”

“Nooo. Right, of course not. Just kidding.” He said recovering.

A bit of disappointment filled Dean’s chest. But what did he expect was going to happen; she would forgive him for being an asshat and then fall into bed with him? Besides, this wasn’t something he really wanted to get himself into anyway. Sex is always good, but the vibe she gave off and, if he was being honest, the feelings he was having for her were more of the longer-term variety. He’d been down that road before with Lisa and look how that turned out. Better to keep things neutral here.

“You know it just wasn’t the physical stuff that you should be apologizing for,” Riley was trying hard to summon up some anger, “do I have to remind you that you told that demon you didn’t care what happened to me and how you were planning on stabbing me with that crazy knife of yours? By the way what the hell is that thing?”

Dean remembered what Sam had said about telling her about the mark, “You know I’m not really at liberty to say.”

“You’re not at liberty to say?” she returned, “Seriously?”

“No.” Dean raised his voice to match hers.

“You were going to kill me with it!”

“What does it matter what kind of knife it is. I could’ve killed you with any knife!”

The stupid bickering went on for awhile repeating much of what they already discussed, until Sam came in to see what the commotion was all about. Frankly, neither of them knew why they had gotten so heated over something so inane. After they both calmed down, Sam suggested they all get some sleep. He offered Riley one of the empty rooms since she had driven close to 14 hours to get there. She had to admit she was tired, and it was easier than finding a hotel for the night. Plus, it was free. She could wake up early and head home, putting Dean Winchester in her rear view. Dean sheepishly said he was sorry again and said goodnight, leaving Sam to show Riley to her room.

Once he got her settled with some clean sheets and a towel for the morning in case she wanted to shower before she left, Sam said goodnight and started heading out the door. He stopped before he hit the threshold and turned back to her.

“He’s sincere about being sorry for what happened, for whatever that’s worth.” Sam said before saying goodnight one last time and closing her door behind him.

Riley sighed and then made up the bed with the sheets Sam supplied. Then she rifled through her bag and pulled out some black boy-shorts and a white baby tee to sleep in. Luckily the room had a sink against the wall by the door so she wouldn’t have to walk to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Once she was finished she turned off the overhead light and padded to the bed, climbed in and turned off the bedside lamp before pulling the fresh sheets up over her and getting comfortable. Try as she might she couldn’t seem to get to sleep though. Instead she stared up at the ceiling for awhile.

Three doors down, Dean lay looking up at his own ceiling. He wondered what the hell had happened earlier; why it had disintegrated into a bitching contest. It was almost like she had completely done a one-eighty from her flirtatious comments prior to that. Sometimes he didn’t understand women. Men were simple; if they want something they say so, women…not so much. Case in point, she was the one that brought up the sex thing then she got mad when he considered it!

Dean rolled over onto his side, deciding not to drive himself crazy thinking about it and instead get some sleep. He hadn’t gotten much the night before. He was just about to doze off when he heard a knock on his door. Shaking the sleep dust from his eyes, he got up to answer it.

Riley stood before him, loosely wrapped in a cotton bathrobe, her tee shirt and a small edge of her boy-shorts were peeking out from the where the robe slightly gaped. He hadn’t thought much about what he was wearing before opening the door, but he was now feeling a bit exposed in just his boxer-briefs. Not that she hadn’t seen him like that before, but he was kind of evil then, and after their talk earlier he was feeling a little uneasy about it. He tried not to let that show.

“I forgot to get my bracelet back earlier,” Riley said as she looked directly at his eyes, avoiding all other parts of this body.

Dean walked over to the bedside table to retrieve it for her and when he turned around she had stepped into the room a bit. She was looking everywhere around the room, except at him.

“Here,” he said and placed it into her open hand, lightly brushing his fingers across her palm.

Riley felt a jolt rush through her spine at his touch, but pulled her hand back quickly, ignoring it.

“Thanks,” she said hastily and turned to leave, but Dean grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back towards him.

They looked at each other, the light from the hallway illuminating their faces softly. Both of them momentarily mesmerized by each other’s gorgeous eyes, before Dean leaned in and placed his lips on hers. Riley kissed him back and Dean took that as his cue to pull her in closer to him, his hands encircling her waist, their bodies touching. The kiss deepened for a brief moment before he felt her pull away.

“Dean,” she said breathlessly, her hand moving to his chest to keep him at a distance, “we can’t do this.”

He looked at her expressionless for a second before agreeing, “You’re right. We shouldn’t”

But they stood there staring, her hand could feel his chest move in and out as he breathed short shallow breaths, and his hands moved up her waist and then out to her shoulders. She brought her hand up to the back of his neck and pulled him into a more forceful kiss. Her fingers tangled through his hair and he slid his hands under her robe and ran them up and down her back, frustrated at the second layer of cotton underneath. He wanted to feel the heat of her skin.

As they continued to join their lips together, Dean turned them both around and walked them closer to the bed, pulling the loose knot in the robe’s sash and shucking the hindrance off her frame. She wasn’t protesting, so he laid her gently back onto the mattress and climbed up over her, their lips glued to one another’s. Riley let a small moan escape from the back of her throat, and Dean responded by running his hand up her shirt to her breasts. Suddenly, he felt her hand grasp his wrist to stop him, again breaking their contact.

“You okay?” he asked breathing heavy.

She looked up at him in consternation and sighed, “I’m sorry, Dean. I can’t…I just can’t do this right now.” She wriggled out from under him and stood up, grabbing her bathrobe off the floor and heading for the door.

“Riley, wait!” he said perplexed and a bit pleadingly.

She paused briefly in the doorway without turning around, and said, “This will never work.” Riley walked out the door and down to her guest room, leaving Dean bewildered on the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam was the first to get up in the morning, or so he thought, the bunker was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. After making a pot of coffee he wandered out into the library to look up some more lore on the Mark of Cain. Although his brother’s demon problem was solved, he still carried the mark, and with the Winchester luck there was more damage to be done. When he reached the first table, he noticed a small note, folded in half with Dean’s name on it. The handwriting was neat and perfect, so it had to be Riley’s. Sam eyed it as he sat down, resisting the urge to read it. That only lasted a few seconds though, because he hoped there might me more information about what Dean had done a week prior. Knowing his brother, he probably left some information out of his version of the story.

 

>  
> 
> Dean,
> 
> I’m sorry about what happened last night. It’s not that I didn’t want you, it’s just that I know I shouldn’t. If you were any other guy I would have just left this morning without leaving this, but I don’t want to burn my bridges with you and Sam. We’re hunters, and it would be nice if I could rely on you guys for backup if things get hairy. Feel free to use me as such, although I doubt you’d need me.
> 
> We’ve only just met, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you. There’s no point in hiding it, I showed all my cards to you already. The problem is that you have also shown your cards, and not all of them are aces. I don’t know what was going on with you in Amherst Junction, but quite frankly the whole encounter was confusing, painful, and a little scary. You hurt me, and I’m still not sure whether you would have killed me or not if that demon hadn’t smoked out. You seemed like a completely different person than you did the first time we met, and even last night. I don’t know if it’s some macho bullshit or what, but I don’t need that kind of stress in my life. I don’t know who you really are. Sorry if I’m being blunt. I just want to make sure I’m clear. Hopefully if I can convince you, then maybe I can convince myself too.
> 
> See you around,
> 
> Riley

 

Sam folded the note back up when he finished and put it back where she left it. Luckily it was only mildly uncomfortable to read, leaving out any gory details. His brother was going to be disappointed though. Despite the effort with which Dean tried to hide his feelings from everybody on God’s green earth, Sam could always see right through him. He liked Riley, and he was going to silently beat himself up about this for weeks. They should definitely hit the road today and head out to the lake. Maybe a change of setting would help Dean forget.

When Dean finally wandered in he asked Sam where Riley was, “She’s not in her room. She taking a shower or something?”

Sam looked at him with an apologetic face and nodded his head toward the note. Dean’s face turned to stone immediately, covering up any emotion that could possibly rise to his features. He unfolded it and began to read. His expressionless face never wavered, but Sam could see the hurt in his eyes. When he finished reading, he crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash bin next to the table. He mumbled something about getting something to eat and started to walk away.

“Dean? You alright?” Sam asked, knowing what his response was going to be.

His brother turned around and did his best impression of someone who didn’t care, “Just peachy, Sammy.”

Dean slammed the door behind him as he walked into his room. He stood for a minute, thinking about the night before, about how Riley felt underneath him, how soft the skin on her belly was and how sweet her lips were. Then he thought about everything else, how this was his fault, how he had shoved her hard against the wall at that bar, how he nearly pulled her arm out of place, how he threatened her, and worst of all how he had taken pleasure in it. He would never be able to take that back.

A rage consumed him and he violently brushed a pile of books of his desk, some of the bindings breaking as they hit the floor with force. The cord for the desk lamp got caught by one of them on the way down and suffered a casualty as the glass shade and bulb smashed on the tile floor. The mark started to glow, red hot and burning. Dean shook for a moment feeling the fury racing through his veins. He gnashed his teeth and exhaled excruciatingly slow, trying to gain his composure. In a few seconds it dissipated and he was back to himself. That damned mark was going to be the death of him. He couldn’t object to Riley’s decision to end things before they really started. He could be a danger to her, and that would kill him. The demon he had inside may have relished in it, but he was human again, and the thought of him hurting her, or worse, because of the mark was making him sick to his stomach.

 

*****

 

Riley drove down the highway with the windows down. The wind was whipping against her face, like it was punishing her for the way she left things. She knew she didn’t adequately express what she needed to say in that letter of hers, but even she didn’t know how to navigate all the different emotions that were swirling around like a tornado inside her right now. Pride, sadness, fear, anger, all mixed together, shaken up like some kind of angst-filled cocktail. The worst though, was the longing. She wanted to be back in that bunker, curled up with Dean, but even her fantasy of that scenario ended badly. All she could do to quell the yearning was to remind herself that Dean wasn’t even going to blink before he ran that blade through her to kill that demon, and her along with it. He said it himself, he didn’t care what happened to her! How can she possible have feelings for someone who could act with such violence towards her?

The confusing part was that he went right back to being protective, kissing her apologetically, taking her in for the night and acting as if he wanted her, just as much as she wanted him. Could that all be an act? She was sure it had to be. Guys are great at that kind of thing. They should be given an award for how well they can pretend to care. _No,_ she thought, _you are doing the right thing. The best thing for you._

So why didn’t she feel that way in her heart?


End file.
